They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think, too, that it is twofold. Absence can also make the heart forget. And in many ways, that is a wonderful, and quite relieving, truth.
That moment when you read your old convos and posts from high school and realize how immature you were and think shamefully, “Did I really say this?”…thus rendering a strong urge to go back in time and kick yourself soundly before you said such horrid things. The feeling is a hybrid cross between embarrassment, shame, disbelief and a dash of annoyance.
Dear Person X, Y and Z (shall not name names), thank you, beyond any words can express, for putting up with such social geekiness. It is surely out of the pure kindness and patience in your heart. A true wonder, I daresay.
It’s been exactly eight years since my father passed away.
I think many who have lost someone they deeply loved have wondered these questions at some point: when we lose someone why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel as if someone tore us apart, stealing a needed fragment of us? I have reached a place of healing and acceptance in my life, but I always end up contemplating the same thing around this time and wonder. Last year was no exception…and in contemplating, I came to a conclusion. In Judaism, there’s this idea called Tikun Olam. The world’s been broken into pieces and it’s our job to find them and put them back together again. In Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Nick quips that maybe we are the pieces. Us. So I began to think. Maybe we’re all part of one huge puzzle, connected to others, to the people around us. And that’s why it hurts so much when we lose someone we love.
When they leave we lose a piece we were connected to, and we mourn. The empty space feels so cold, it gets too unbearable. That’s why no matter what people say or believe, I don’t think we were meant to live this life alone. We need people, it’s in our nature. We are wired to find connections, to be connected. That’s why we mourn. That’s why we hurt. That’s why on these quiet days, when we allow ourselves to think, to feel, we feel the emptiness.
Even though you disconnected, your imprint has been embedded into my soul. The coldness from the empty space you left makes me shiver, but then I look to the sky and feel His warmth permeate in me. And I let the truth settle in…you left, but I am not alone. The puzzle is always reshifting and resettling. We reconnect again. And then it becomes all right… because, we are broken pieces, meant to come back together again.
When I first saw this MV by Tablo, I thought, “Okay…that was weird.”
But then I realized it was a metaphor, about destructive, even abusive love. And not just physical. In that sense, love is not always good.
In the MV, the couple are embracing each other passionately, in love, despite the wounds and cuts they incur. They cannot see the wounds they give one another or the destruction they bring, because they are too caught in the tides of their passion. Love is not always good for us…especially when it becomes an obsessive one. Because love can blind people, to the point that even when lovers physically or emotionally abuse each other, hurt one another and bring each other down, they can’t bring themselves to turn away and let go of each other. It is love, but I think Tablo was pointing out that not all love is good and safe and some people may not belong together despite loving each other.
Seeing it that way, it really made me think. What if the emotional wounds revealed themselves like physical wounds? Maybe that’s why they’re so easy to give, because we can’t see the damage they do.
“나쁜 너 보다 나쁜 건 그런 너를 잊지 못해 망가지고 나빠지는 나.” Only thing that’s worse than you is I, who couldn’t forget you and ended up being tainted.
My new obsession….옥탑방 왕세자. I’m going through a K-Drama phase…
Micky was always my favorite in 동방신기… so 멋있어~ I’m still crushing on him now :D
Even though I do not know what is in store ahead of me on this road, I look to the sky and see my one and only North star. And I follow after, knowing that even if I lose my way, your light will guide me in the darkness, back onto the right path again.
And I know, with unwavering certainty, that despite the downs and struggles I may encounter, they will always come to an end. For the ultimate destination is pure good. Because You are good.
“Oh telescope, keep an eye on my only hope, lest I blink and get swept off the narrow road. Hercules, you’ve got nothing to say to me, ‘cause you’re not the blinding light that I need. For He is the saving grace of the galaxies. Dear God, I was terribly lost when the galaxies crossed and the sun went dark. But dear God, You’re the only North Star I would follow this far.” - Owl City, Galaxies
“Do not think that character is determined at birth…Any person can become as righteous as Moses or as wicked as Jereboam. We ourselves decide whether to make ourselves learned or ignorant, compassionate or cruel, generous or miserly.” - Maimonides, Mishnah Torah, Hilchot Teshuva
Each and every one of us has the power to hurt one another, or to heal one another.
Which path will you choose?
